Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
