I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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