I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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