Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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