Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
