...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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