Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
