So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize