Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
