You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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