YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
