My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
