Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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