Buhtt sex?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
