it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
it was like eating out sand paper
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
