some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Someone shattered a urinal.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
