She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
