I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
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he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
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One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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