RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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