I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
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You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
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I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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