did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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