Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
