Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
