i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
