The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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