you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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