HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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