I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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