pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
