The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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