Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
