maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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