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I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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