sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
