Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
