It's like God shit irony all over that family
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
