well I can't set my house on fire every night
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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