i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
