So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
