if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
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She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
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If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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