where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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