she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
