you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
