Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We need a shit load of segways right now
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
