I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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