I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
