I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wish my penis had an off switch
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
jump out the window naked night went bad
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