I think my vagina is haunted
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
