We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
