Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
