the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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