His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
