Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
