I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
