Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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