his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
And then he peed in my hair
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
