She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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