I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come