It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.