i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.