I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
