Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
