she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
